So...I'm sorry for not being around that much. There is a reason for it, though. I did my best to not talk about it because I hate to make people worry but I also hate to keep people waiting and disappear from here without a reason.
Well...I don't even know where to start...
Hm...remember that journal I said my boyfriend broke up with me? Well, we got back together some time later...and broke up again.
I usually get really emotional near my birthday (because of my father and stuff) and that hit me really hard. You see, even with all the things he has done to me, I still love him. And that's what makes it hurt so bad.
While we were in a relationship, I got some health issues due to all the stress he'd put me through. I'd ask him to stop and my friends would try to talk to him so he'd know how much he was hurting me but he wouldn't believe them. At a point, he also stopped trusting me. To the point he'd doubt that I was doing my college work.
I'm a really busy person and college makes me really busy, specially towards the end of the semester. I also have the Model UN stuff to do (that I don't have a break of not even in my vacations or holidays. They keep asking extra stuff). He'd complain that I wasn't giving him a lot of attention and I'd feel really bad about it so I'd skip meals to try to work on the stuff I had to do for college and would stay up late for that too to give him the attention he wanted. But that wasn't enough. He kept demanding more.
Due to all the stress, lack of sleep and not eating much, my immunity system started failing and I got an interior bruise. I had to go through an operation because I could get an infection there and, as my immunity system was failing, it would probably kill me. Well, long story short, it made me go through immense pain and it kept hurting really bad for some days...to the point I'd throw up because of how much it would hurt - painkillers wouldn't work - and had to skip school during that time.
I also lost a lot of weigh because I would sometimes get nausea and wouldn't eat much and/or throw up. I did my best to keep eating and I know it would have gotten worse if I hadn't done that. There were some foods that would almost result in that every time I ate it so I started avoiding it (I did some exams and it wasn't allergy to those. For some reason, my body was rejecting food). I started taking a lot of vitamin pills that my doctor told me to take.
Due to the lack of sleep, I'm fainting out of nowhere. It just happens. One time I'm all awake and stuff and then suddenly I wake up and it's been half an hour and I didn't even notice that I slept. I got some bruises on my legs and arms because of that (Got those from falling and hitting something. Luckily, I didn't hit my head). That even affected my grades as I'd fall asleep in class (even drinking a lot of coffee and doing all I could not to)
If that wasn't enough, I'm also depressed. Really depressed. Not only because of him, there are other stuff too. I got some bad thoughts some days ago and...well, I was still talking to him so I told him about it. His answer was "Do it". I wasn't expecting it. At all. Maybe I should stop trying to talk to him...There's more stuff but I don't want to talk about them
Anyway, my mother made a surprise for me to try make me happy. We went to Miami, Florida (which is one of my favourite places to travel to, influenced by my father that loved to go there and was looking for apartments to buy there when he got sick. My favourite NBA team is Miami Heat btw. We'd travel there to watch their games at the AA Arena. The first game I watched there was vs the Boston Celtics - it was right before the play-offs - and I liked it so much that my father bought tickets to take me see all the other games until the end of our time there. They were against the Philadelphia 76ers. I remember telling GoldLinaric
about it.) for a whole week. We went back home yesterday. It brings back many memories so I'd cry a lot there. Specially because my mother would talk about said memories almost everyday.
I got a lot of stuff there. I got 6 amiibos (because they are really expensive here - I got Zelda, Sheik, Diddy Kong, Sonic, Yoshi (SMB version) and Ness - the last one I found at a Gamestop at the Bayside. It was the last one ~), the Majora's Mask remake for the 3ds (because since Nintendo left Brazil, it's hard to find new games here and when you do, it's really expensive), some Funko Pops (At the airport they were having a 20% off sale of all Frozen items and they had Olaf, Elsa, Anna and Sven's Funko Pop figures so I got them ~ They only had one Sven left and they came with free lollipops ~ Now they are right beside my Simba one on my shelf), some pocky, strawberry kitkats, 4 volumes of Sakura-Hime: The Legend of Princess Sakura mangas (by the awesome Arina Tanemura ~ I love her mangas and I got the first volume of this one in England some years ago and I think they never released it here so I never got the other volumes and I found 2 to 5 at Barnes and Nobles so I got them and read them all while we waited for our flight) and some other stuff.
I also ordered 3 copics (V04 - Lilac, YG13 - Chartreuse and C3 - Cool Gray No.3. My favourite from the three is the YG13), two Sakura Gelly-Roll pens in White (Which I recommend for white spots. They are so great!) and two Canson XL Mix Media Pads (one 9 in x 12 in and one 7 in x 10 in. I'll probably take the small one with me to college to doodle :3 The other one is a spare as they don't sell these here).
I'm sorry for taking so long to do the commissions and update here...I'm just not well
I'm doing my best, I swear it.
Well, I'll go back to working on the stuff for the Model UN now. I might try to draw something later.
That's all for now
Thanks for reading ^^